I doubt that they were pushing for a winter release for NIGHTSWIM - but it makes sense for it to exist in the January slum of theater releases (because it is stupid as hell - a common issue with January releases).

I would also like to mention now - a lot of the swimming that happens during the film happens during the day - like, half of it, possibly.

Anything goes on Regal Tuesdays for me. If it were Wednesday, I probably would not watch this.

Godzilla is currently playing too, but I wanted to see the only horror movie out. Godzilla could be consiered a horror, though. If this Blumhouse production about a swimming pool that I guess makes you evil basically if you swim in it for too long, or maybe kill you??? If that's listed under the flick belongs in the horror genre, then Godzilla does too. I would worry about by life more with that dude around than the scary swimming pool.

Personally, my biggest fear with swimming pools is falling in with my phone in my pocket. I actively have nightmares about this.

My friend Ben offered to join me to see it at Delancey. Our showtime was 6:30. He purchased his ticket an hour before showtime, and at this point most of the rows were still vacant. I walked there from my studio. It rained heavy. I borrowed an umbrella from the studio, and as soon as I set foot on Canal, it flipped inside out, the little metal pieces snapping in several different pieces. I threw it away. I considered texting my studio group chat to let the owner of the umbrella know it broke, but Number One, I don't know who it belonged to and Number Two, my fingers were wet, so texting was a bitch.

I met Ben there at 6:30 exactly. I am a punctual person, to a fault - even when I attempt to be late, I am most often still early. For a 6:30 showtime at the Delancey Regal means that the trailers start at 6:40, ahd the movie will start around 6:55.

This has always made me quite pissed. I want to see trailers, but... I just always felt that the movie should start at the showtime, and the trailers should play prior to that.

And another sidenote about trailers - well for one, there really wasn't much here I was excited about - but anyways - I remember during the Obama presidency, a lot of the trailers in that era had dubstep-y sound effects in them, real Transformers-Michael-Bay business. That is dated now - the updated version of that, especially in more "intense" trailers, have high pitched ringing, like ears ringing type shit. It's so common now to have a Marvel trailer where a main character, in the middle of a barrage of action, with ear-ringing background noise. It has a certain swag, but it will probably become a post-COVID movie trope years from now.

Anywhooooo...

It seems like Tuesdays, for some reason, I often don't get much sleep the night before. I feel like much of the time in the middle of the afternoon I go through a micro-existential thing much of the time. Like I don't know what the point is to carry on with even really minor things. Like I start fantasizing about not being around, and how much easier it may be. Regal Tuesdays, at least, give me something to look forward to in the evening. I was sitting at my desk, feeling down and out for the day, until I remembered what day it was. Regal Tuesday is an anchor for me, a lifeline. I believe that this year, there will be 52 reasons for me to keep on going. The view of Delancey & Essex from the escalator, the reclining leather seats, the rigid-but-generally warm staff, all of it keeps me coming to Regal.

Even a Blumhouse-produced, PG-13-rated, January-released movie like NIGHT SWIM.

It isn't great. It isn't really that entertaining. And it certainly isn't great. As movie number 2 of what I have seen this year so far, it is definitely the worst. But that is sure to change. Because it isn't so shitty that I feel good calling it shitty. It is fun enough in theaters. It feels like something I would have only watched at home on streaming if, say, a global pandemic was happening.

NIGHT SWIM follows Eve, her husband Ray, their two kids, and a possessed backyard swimming pool over the course of a few weeks. They are new to town, and moved here because, I don't know why. Ray is a former professional baseball player who is struggling with MS. He is optimistic about recovery, and is seen filming audition tapes on a Hi-8 camcorder for teams he wants to play for. It takes place in the iPhone era - something about him watching this played back on a CRT TV in his garage feels so, inaccurate... It's supposed to add an aesthetic charm, probably, and of course it will return later, for aesthetic terror (ish).

This theme comes up several times, but most of the time, it isn't really that significant (save for the final act, I guess). They have found a big old house for sale in whatever town it is they decided to relocate to.

They get a great deal on a house for sale in the proximity of Eve's school district (she teaches special ed - this isn't an important part of the movie BTW). The biggest selling point for Dad is the great big huge abandoned and dried up swimming pool in the backyard (water therapy = treatment for MS).

We get a prologue that involves a little asian girl falling into the pool in the middle of the night and drowning to death. It doesn't matter that she is asian - I just wanted to clarify that there is diversity in the casting. There is also a black love interest for the daughter, who is in the movie for a bit, and after some of the scary-ish stuff happens, he just kind of... never returns. Blumhouse is funny. That and little referential stuff ("I'll put a tidepod in your fishtank")

Anyway, so the asian girl dies, because obviously the pool is haunted. Indian burial ground type beat.

Eve, played by Kerry Condon (from The Banshees of Inisherin, which Ben mentioned, but I have not seen) is the first to feel strange about the place. She gets a weird vibe from the pool when her son almost drowns in the middle of the day, swimming by himself (DAYSWIM???).

Husband Ray simply fuckin' loves the pool tho. He is played by Wyatt Russell, who I remember from This Is 40 and 22 Jump Street - in which he plays a hockey player, and a football player). Swimming twice a day in the pool practically cures his MS, which he believes is the work he puts in, but it's actually something in the pool... that is haunted... that is leading him to be able to walk, and hit a baseball again. Ray is a likable character, so you feel happy for his recovery, and when it's discovered that it's because of some sort of possession, you're just kind of pissed.

Also, regarding the baseball thing, there is a CGI baseball in here somewhere, like the ball is possessed, which I just remembered, and I have no idea why this happens; it wasn't that funny when it happened, more what-the-hell-is-that, but the gratuity of it is making me laugh rn.

After they have the little league baseball team and other miscellaneous townies over for a pool party, Ray becomes possessed by the pool, and attempts to drown one of the good little boys on the team (DURING THE DAY!). By this point it's pretty clear that the pool just ain't right.

The evil pool has two sides: One drowns you, and the other possesses you to kill? Or something. Some of these BH films are so convoluted. There is also a chance that I'm really stupid, too, I don't dismiss it as an issue - but here, it seems objective that a lot of this simply doesn't make sense or add up.

All this, too, because the pool uses groundwater, or something like that. There are several origin stories in here, and none of it adds up. It really just fucking sucks!

Yes, the pool is haunted. But there is a visible creature in the pool that appears to frighten the daughter at one point. He kind of looks like Toxie, in one of the lesser Toxic Avenger movies. And then he never appears again. I suppose he is the bad guy, but I am not sure.

Eventually Dad gets fully Possessed because in life you have to make sacrifices. This is one of the main themes of the film, and it comes up several times. Sacrifices have to be made. That is what happened to the little Asian girl in the beginning - her brother was sick, so once her, the little girl, drowns in the pool, he is no longer sick. This is explained by the mother character, who we meet when Eve does some sleuthing. She is senile, with a plastic tube up her nose, and she is spitting up black oil, just like the pool does. Whatever the fuck that means!!!

We also find out that this pool has been an issue in family units for decades. There are old ass pictures on the internet that Eve finds about dissapearing people in this specific household for decades. Fill this pool in!

We find out, via scary black veins and white pupils that it is too late to save Ray, as he is possessed. Got damn it!

Ray fights, midly, with his own possession, and his family, in the last ten minutes of the movie. It's a climax, by definition, at least.

This comes off like a synopsis at this point, rather than a review, but again. Again! It's a Blumhouse thing. Once we get to actual horror elements in one of these movies, we're already an hour in, and the color pallette has gotten literally bored, and has lost its bright color, and it's rainy and moody out, and we need to get to the climax.

A bit of a shame, this movie. It isn't not worth seeing, but I also wouldn't tell somebody to see it or not see it. It doesn't really have it's moments, but as a whole it's kind of fun to watch. It's kind of brave, the stupidity, to start with such a simple story line, and end it with a thing that makes little sense. If the entire movie was about Ray's recovery and comeback to baseball, it probably would have been more enjoyable.

Because there isn't anything too much in the way of scary happening in NIGHT SWIM. Certainly it doesn't make you scared of dying. That isn't somethng that really happens in this movie much, dying. Somebody may be pulled under water, or get cut on glass. It's kind of slice-of-life horror.

Which is a shame too, because the cast is likable here, and you want to invest in them, but if there is no real terror, there's no reason to.

The only horror aspects are the tropes - Atmospheric music, static-y TV's, evil smiling possessed type characters (THIS IS THE WORST HORROR TROPE EVER AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S STILL USED, LIKE THE VISUAL EQUIVALENT TO A SCARY TOY PIANO TUNE PLAYING), stuff like that. It's trite. And it simply isn't a serious enough film for this shit to work.

And the ending is just so abrupt and it's probably my least favorite thing about the whole thing. AUGH! It really sucks ass, the ending!

But... Again, for Regal Tuesday prices, I won't complain, and two hours of crappy entertainment for 8 dollars...? I'm happy.

Ben and I both got separate small bags of popcorn. We each had enough credits with our Regal memberships to get them for free. So... For the ticket, plus the popcorn, the total was 8 dollars*. That's a damn good deal. That's the price of seeing a movie in Missouri in 2011, without popcorn. I love Regal Tuesdays.

*I also got Cookie Dough bites, FYI, which were 6 dollars. So I spent like 14 dollars total. I like eating the popcorn and the bites together, in the same handful.

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