Three things happened today that were strange, but cool.

The BMX Bike

It started with this guy on a BMX bike.

I walked outside of my apartment to check on the mail. Out near the sidewalk was a boy and a girl talking quietly. They seemed like they were lovers. But that was all about to end, I believe. He sat there on his low bike seat with his feet on the ground and the kick stand out and he was leaning over his handlebars cooly. But as I looked at him he wasn’t being that cool at all. It turns out that the idiot was actually crying. And she just stood by him and was talking to him. And they both had hoodies on. After he was crying for a second he put his hood on, probably to cover up how much of a dumbass he looked while sobbing. She walked away and put her hood up too as her back turned to him. And he just sat there for a minute on his bike. It looked like it would rain, and it looked like the way his day was going, he would almost prefer to sit in it. What a stupid asshole that guy was. The funniest part about it is, get this- It was me. I was the guy on the BMX bike getting broken up with. And crying, too.

Swap Meet Thing

I got off the BMX bike and decided to go to the swap meet flea market thing in the Kroger’s parking lot. It was a nice day at least so that was just great, and it meant more people with more booths. I liked going up there on Saturdays because I wanted to buy games and toys for fun. And I was supposed to go with this girl but she doesn’t want to talk to me ever again. But I felt like I could probably just go by myself and get my spirits up.

My ex-friend was there. He always sold retro games at ridiculous prices. I went up to his booth and said Hey, Ex-friend. He laughed and said he thought that was super funny to say on account of how he loves awkward humor like that. We weren’t friends anymore but we were cordial. We would be slightly mean and such but there was still a level of respect there that I found cool. And I still wanted to buy games from him, so.

He had this one Gameboy game I wanted bad. It was a King James Bible condensed into one Gameboy cartridge. Like a bible for your Gameboy. What the!!! I asked him how much. He said 350 dollars. I gasped sarcastically. That was the amount I got back from my tax return! I got 360 bucks for filing out my taxes. I gave him four cash bills and he gave me the game. I thought about how many times I have been told by people that the Bible is available for free on Kindle.

Duck Stand-Up

I walked up to the son of a bitch of a small pond in the park during sunset. I came up to a dozen yellow ducks floating around the edge of the water. There was one duck who seemed to be performing stand-up comedy for the rest of them. He quacked in a cohesive way that sounded like squeaky sentences. He would quack for twenty or thirty seconds. And then all the other ducks would just go wild. He would quack for another little bit, and they would hoot and holler.

I tried to get closer so I could better understand what they said.

It was like I opened a door into a comedy club in the middle of somebody’s set. The crowd turned to me after hearing my approach. They looked at me for a moment in silence. The stand-up comedian duck went, “And don’t get me started on this stupid mofo!” He was talking about me. I was the stupid mofo.

The ducks went berserk for that one. Quacking and laughing really crazy.

“Getting broken up with on a BMX bike, god damn man, you think that’s what happened to Dave Mirra?”

Some of the ducks quacked but others kind of didn’t like that one I could tell. Suicide jokes are a grey area for ducks.

He tried to save it.

“And if anybody needs a few hundred dollars, go ahead and find that dumb son a bitch in the parking lot, it’ll be in the form of a Gameboy cartridge, it’s in his back pocket next to the remainder of his tax return. You can take that as well, if you live near a place that sells gum for a penny.”

They quacked more. I acted bashful. It hurt my feelings, but when getting embarrassed in this fashion it’s almost weird to convey being sad or hurt. If you’re getting embarrassed, just act like it’s funny to you too, because everybody kind of needs you to.

After the Dave Mirra joke I was happy to see him save the crowd.

I stood up as straight as i could, and fell into the water like a street light tipping over. The ducks scattered everywhere honking and squeaking. They called me an asshole and told me to get a life. I doggy paddled around and told them I really was figuring all that out as I spit water out of my mouth.